Nursery Progress!

Here are the pictures so far:

We are still on the search for some pictures and things to go on the walls but other than we're really happy with the way it has turned out!

In other news, we have also finished up our profile and it is currently under review by our agency and it we get the ok, all systems are go towards getting our profile book into the hands of potential birthmothers!  So we are still working on filling out grant forms and selling our tshirts.  I can't believe we've come so far already!

Beautiful Video

**Warning:  This is a tear-jerker so have some tissues handy!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YhqJYOYcnAU

This song was written by Christian recording artist, Mark Shultz, who was adopted, for his birth mother.  I hope that one day our child will be able to say these words!

Our homestudy is APPROVED!!!

When I checked the mail this morning, we had a letter from our agency saying that our homestudy was APPROVED!!!  Yay!  The end is in sight!  Next up will be getting put on the waiting list and having our profile put on the website for potential birthmoms to see!  In order to do so, we have got to pay the program fee ($5000) so if you know anyone who would like to buy one of our tshirts, please let us know!

Jamee

Our almost placement

Exactly 12 hours ago we got a call from our agency stating that they had a baby that had just been born this weekend and they thought we were the perfect match. So of John & I of course went crazy trying to get things ready as we were suppose to drive to the agency this morning and meet up with our caseworker before driving to the hospital. We kind of got a muffled voicemail late last night (like midnight) and the only part we could understand was that the mom was having a really hard time. This was confirmed this morning. The mom changed her mind and decided to parent (which in all reality can be a very good thing--even though it may not feel like it). My heart is broken and I feel so empty. I would have never imagine that I could feel so much joy and so much hurt within a 12 hour span. John & I cannot even begin to imagine how much more it would hurt if we had been any more emotionally invovled, as in being matched for several months and then having the mom change her mind. So we are still taking the day off to be together. If anything we now have our crib. Its also a good thing that walmart does returns (now we can take this stuff back and still search for things we love instead of things we just need to have. More than anything, we are so glad to know that God is still in control and He still has a plan.  This baby was not the baby that He has chosen to be OUR baby.  While it hurts, we feel comfort that only our Father can give.  We are also thankful that the call came this morning before we were on the road or even worse, that we had not gotten to see or hold the baby before the mom changed her mind.  So we are going to take the day to reflect, cleave to one another, and praise God for being our Comforter, Guide, and Provider and rest in the knowledge that our child is still out there.  We continue to appreciate everyone's thoughts and prayers.

Jamee

Our house is a wreck

But I am so loving that it is because we are making progress turning our office/guestroom into a nursery! Holy cow! We have moved our desk/computer downstairs to the living room so its crazy to see that space open knowing that a crib will be there shortly! We still have some stuff in there that we are hoping to sell on Craigslist but hopefully that won't be there too much longer (if anyone is interested in a PB coffee table or dresses let me know! LOL). We are purchasing our crib mattress this weekend. My parents are bringing down our crib at Thanksgiving. Every day I am just amazed at how God is working to make our dream of parenthood a reality! As stores have started pulling out all of the Christmas items it has really hit me that this will truly be our last childless Christmas! We've had the same wishes for the past three years but unless something goes crazy wrong, this is it! We will have a baby Miller by this time next year! Words can't express all of the emotions I am filled with! Psalm 37:4 states "Delight yourself in the LORD; And He will give you the desires of your heart" and I am learning more and more each day how God holds fast to this promise!

Updated Tshirt Information

We are overwhelmed by the awesome response & support we have received from our family and friends in regards to our tshirts! If you are interested in purchasing a tshirt, please send us an email at 517butterfly@gmail.com and we can hook you up :) We are asking for a $20 donation and if you would like us to ship your tshirt to you, we ask for an additional $5 to cover shipping costs. We currently have these shirts in sizes S, M & L. If you would like an XL please send us an email and we can work with getting these shirts made! Again we are so incredibly thankful for your support throughout our journey and we are so thankful that God gave us such an amazing group of family & friends!

T-Shirts are here!

We were very excited to be able to pick up our t-shirts yesterday! They turned out better than we even imagined! When we designed these, we not only wanted to bring in adoption awareness, but also how at the heart of our adoption is the knowledge that through Christ's precious gift on the cross, we are able to say that we are proudly adopted into God's family through His sacrifice. If you would like a t-shirt, we are hoping to sell them for $20 (we could also ship for an additional $5). Again, we thank you for your continued support & prayers!

Tears in Walmart

We finished up our homestudy on Saturday with our home visit.  It went great and she let us know again that she felt like our placement will come alot quicker than others who have been waiting for several months.  We talked about the workshop and I mentioned how we were told to start buying the basics to keep on hand.  I asked her when we needed to start doing this such as after our homestudy has been approved or once our names have been put on the waiting list.  Her response was "If you are going shopping today, I would pick up some diapers and formula!"  We were a little shocked (and excited!) so yesterday when we were in Wal-mart we made a trip to the baby section and stood and stared at all of the choices of diapers and formula!  So we picked some out and put them in our cart and we both froze.  We were actually buying diapers and formula for OUR baby!  So we both got a little weepy eyed and we hugged and took in the moment.  It was a very special moment and probably one I will never forget. 

Jamee

Workshop #1 Complete

So this past weekend was slightly busy...I had my individual interview on Friday, then Jamee and I had an all-day workshop on Saturday from 9am-3pm. This is one of two workshops that is required for us to complete through Christian Adoption Services. So, we're making progress! It is starting to really hit me that we're moving along, and I am beginning to "daydream" a lot more about being a father...scary and exciting! I am beginning to wonder about the basic things like how patient will I be? How much sleep will we get? :D How will school impact all of this? etc... I am really wondering especially after a comment our social worker made to me during my interview. She said, "I have no doubt that it will not take long to get you guys a placement." Meaning, she doesn't think we will have to wait long for a child to come....which could be in a few months, or another year...again, it is out of our control, and is solely in the hands of God....

So we are making great progress. Again, if anyone wants to simply donate a few thousand dollars, feel free to do so:D

COMING VERY SOON...we are in the process of making T-Shirts to sell to help raise money for this process of paying for adoption. Check back soon...

John

Homestudy News!

John & I had our first homestudy meeting yesterday at CAS!  By lunchtime I thought I was going to hurl from being so nervous!  We were both definitely anxious as we drove to Matthews and searched for the agency but we made it in one piece (thankfully).  Our caseworker immediately made us feel completely comfortable.  She let us know to not be nervous and that they are not on a witch hunt or asking questions merely to judge us but instead are asking questions to get to know us better in order to make the best match possible.  The meeting lasted longer than I expected (2 1/2 hours) but was very beneficial.  We went over all of our forms and answered any questions that she had about our responses as well as had casual conversation about various topics that came up throughout the interview.  She answered alot of the questions we had about open adoption and legal risk.  We also scheduled our remaining 3 visits!  I go for my individual interview this coming Friday (Oct 10) and John has his individual the following Friday (Oct 17) which is right before our parenting workshop so it works out good since we're spending the night in CLT anyways!  And then our home visit is Oct 23 and our homestudy will be over!  I had absolutely no idea it would go so fast!  I was expecting 2-3 months not 4 weeks!  She asked how quickly we would be ready to be matched and that definitely made it all sink in!  She gave the example of if our homestudy is approved by Halloween and by some remote chance we received a placement by Thanksgiving if we would be able to take it!  I think my heart stopped when she said that!  Of course, the only thing that would be stopping us would be finances (you have to send a $17k check once you except placement and we aren't quite ready for that yet!).  So we are both overwhelmed and completely excited!  We could officially be "paper pregnant" by the end of the month!  We will keep you posted (as usual)!

Jamee

Kleenex Please...

So I came into my office this morning and noticed a box of "Kleenex" tissues on my desk. I thought, "I don't need these on my desk," so I put them in some drawer. I'd need them sooner than I thought...

I got a call just a few hours later from a woman I've never met, encouraging me and praying for Jamee and I through the adoption process. She heard me speak this past Saturday at Upward Soccer and got my work number from someone (I spoke during halftime and shared the struggles Jamee and I have been through, and how we're trusting God through it all). I find it funny that here we are, two days away from my first home study, and I have so many thoughts running through my head about planning, finances, etc...and God gives me a simple reminder: "I've got your back."

So I got my Kleenex tissues I stashed away earlier because you know when you get emotional, our noses do lots of fun stuff (grooooooss)...:D

Thank you God...you don't have to encourage me like you did today, but you did. I am so easily distracted and so easily run off course...yet you stay consistent and never leave my side...how can I not love a God like that!?!?

-john

Very Exciting Day!

Today has been a very exciting day for John & I!  For starters, we ordered our nursery bedding last week and it arrived today!  It is even better in person than in the pictures!  We are so excited!  I can't wait until we are able to start getting everything set up!  Our other exciting news is that our homestudy starts this week!  On Friday we have our first meeting with our case worker!  HOLY COW!!!  I am just overwhelmed with how good God is and how He's already got everything all planned out!  Thank you God for being so amazing!  We will be sure to update at the end of the week after our meeting!  Keep us in your prayers on Friday at 4pm!

Another Step Behind Us

As of today, we sent off our 2nd round of paperwork:D Hopefully this means that after our class in October, a month or so after that we'll be preparing for our HOME STUDY. Sweeeeeet! I can't believe that by the end of this year, we could be that far along in the process. Too bad, too bad:D (note sarcasm)...

Time truly is flying by. We've been so busy with school and work lately...by the time I take notice of the calendar it's time to change to the next month! Yikes! Anyways...I will attempt to sleep now. Fantasy Football has been keeping me up later than usual (and making it difficult to pay attention in class!)...

john

God is so awesome

I was posting about this experience in my personal blog today and felt led to post it here as well. Today I talked to a dear friend about the miracle of adoption. John and I both coached her son in Upward Soccer (he was on my team one year and John's the following year) and her husband is also a pastor and has worked with us in different ministry opportunities and they are just amazing people. John and I both feel so blessed to have crossed paths with them. After they had their son, they spent many years trying for a second child unsuccessfully. Last soccer season, we talked together many times about the heartache of infertility as well as adoption and in April of this year her husband was telling us about their journey after a youth event. Well, I saw her in Wal-mart today so we stopped and chatted. She let me know that they had a new daughter! They went through DSS and were shortly matched with a little girl! They picked her up from the hospital and she is now 4 months old! I was so excited for them! But here is where the story is just too awesome for words. She said that after church one Sunday a man in their congregation came up and said that he just felt led to pray with them. So after they prayed he said that he had something on his heart but didn't know if he should tell them. They urged him to proceed and he said, "I've just had this constant urging that you are going to have a little girl named Faith." They thought it was a pretty name but they had really wanted to use the name Isaac for a boy and Elizabeth for a girl (as the name Elizabeth with symbolic of their journey to adoption). So time goes by and they get a call from DSS saying that they have got a baby coming into custody and they asked if they would take her. Of course they said yes so she and her friend ran to Walmart real quick to pick up some necessities and her friend told her that she just knew that they were going to have a girl named Faith. And here is the amazing part--they called from the hospital letting them know that they could come pick up the baby and to ask for baby FAITH ELIZABETH!!! Is that not crazy?! I was completely covered in chill bumps from head to toe! God is amazing how everything is so perfectly worked out. Even when people made bad choices, He can still use them to bring to bring blessings. As we are drawing close to the end of the paperchase and to the start of our homestudy, I am so encouraged by this and completely know that God will work out a miracle for us just as He was done so for this wonderful family. I am just filled with every emotion. GOD IS SO GOOD!

Jamee

my provider

God: my provider
Just one of the many names for God that means so much to me. I know we have a ways to go with adopting, but already I am blown away by how God is providing for us! Jamee mentioned in her message that we have our first "class" next month (on her b-day oddly enough!). Financially I'm always wondering "how are we going to do this?" Yet slowly but surely, God is giving us the means to save up in our adoption account (for instance, we're set to pay for the home study! and we're putting aside funds monthly to save up)...I know years from now, I'll be able to look back and say, "wow, look at how God did this and that." I can't see but so far down the road, but I don't have to...because my God has the plans all mapped out, and I just have to keep walking...

Ok, I'm done blabbing...I'm in class again...I need to blog more while I'm in class on Thursdays to stay sane, so stay posted:D

JoHn

First Workshop Scheduled!

We got the news this weekend that our first adoptive parent workshop is scheduled! Yippee! So I will be spending my 27th birthday learning how to be a good mommy :) John and I are just so excited to see progress! We have sent in almost all of our supportive paperwork. John is finished with his autobiography and I am almost there! I was holding a baby at church last night and I couldn't help but think that we could be holding ours next year!

Jamee

Random Thoughts

So I'm in my office at this very moment, and this whole adoption process is taking up space in my mind (as it does often). To my surprise, I believe I am being very patient through this whole process, because it truly is a long one. I got an email today from a fellow staff member of the diabetic camp I work at, and she has an adopted daughter from Peru (she's beautiful). Looking at the pictures of this little girl from Peru just got me thinking and really has my emotions stirred up today. Even as I type this I can't explain it, I feel tears filling up my eyes!!! I heard a quote from a movie called Facing the Giants that really describes how I feel best: "How can you miss someone so much that you've never even met?" This sums up how I really feel...I long for the day to be here where I finally get to meet this child, but until then, I will be patient...because that's all I can do. I'm learning so much about patience and trusting God, because often times that's all there is left to do.

Just thought I'd babble how I was feeling on here, since Jamee usually does the "blogging" thing :D For the record...my wife is amazing also :D

Formal Application going in mail today!

Our formal application is going in the mail today as well as the bulk of our required paperwork to start the homestudy process! The only things left to send are our official birth & marriage certificates, my medical form, and our autobiographies! We are moving right along! So exciting!

The joys of the paper chase!

John and I have found ourselves waist-deep in paper work but its so nice to say that there is progress! We should have our formal application and all our "support documents" in the mail to our agency by the end of next week! Yay! Next up with be the homestudy!

hooray!

I know Jamee posted something already, but just wanted to add how freaking excited I am about our news today! Our first application was approved, and we now have 30 days to complete the next one in line! This means we're basically in the "system" at Christian Adoption Services! One step closer to being a Dad...scary, humbling, but the most exciting thing I look forward to ever! I know the road is still very long, but this is one "mile marker" we can put behind us...

If you're reading this please keep us in prayer...I finish my job at my current church (Calvary) this Sunday and begin working at another church here in Shelby Aug. 10th (next Sunday). So we have a lot of changes occuring around us while at the same time, trying to stay organized and focused on adoption stuff. Pray for us...we appreciate it

until next time

John

Our preliminary application was approved!!!

We got our letter and formal application today! We are so excited! The application is huge and definitely leaves no stone unturned! We are very excited to move onto the next step! We will keep our blog updated as we move through our application!

Preliminary Application mailed today!

Yay! We mailed off our preliminary application to our adoption agency today! Within 14 days we will know if we have been approved to move on to the next step! After the preliminary, there is the formal application followed by the homestudy. I can't believe this is really happening!

Link to our newspaper article!

Here is a link to our story featured in the Shelby Star!

http://www.shelbystar.com/news/adoption_32208___article.html/couple_jamee.html

1st fundraiser a success!

We were worried about the weather but God heard our prayers! The yardsale went great and we raised over $1500! We are so excited! We are now funded through the homestudy process (and once that is complete we can start applying for grants)! So about $2500 down, $21500 to go!

And a HUGE thank you to all of our volunteers that helped out today! We cannot express our gratitude enough!

Jamee

Finally...

So, I decided to finally add something to our blog page (I'm a slacker...my bad)
This journey has been an interesting one. One of the ways I like to get through tough times, vent, etc... is through music. I was actually asked to write a song about "letting God be God." I thought...mhmm, this seems like a topic that's been on my mind a lot. I say this because with all of the choices Jamee and I have had to make this year, this is all we can do...let God be God, and trust Him. I have learned the meaning of Proverbs 3:5-6, when it says to not lean on our "own understanding, but to trust God with all our hearts." I have learned that I can not get very far with all we've gone through on "my own understanding." All I can do, is trust God...so...the song below is exactly about this line of thinking (in addition to Isaiah 55:8...go read it!!!)
ENJOY...

BIGGER THAN YOURSELF

so many questions, no easy answers
the future seems so far away
so many emotions, on this rollercoaster
I can't seem to get off, no matter what i say

bridge:
this burden is too great
give me your hand, i'll carry your weight

chorus:
my thoughts are not your thoughts, so why keep trying?
my ways are not your ways, so try dying
to yourself and let go...to yourself and let go
of your own understanding

i've tried to lean on, my own understanding
only to wind up on my back
i think it's time, to take hold of a new plan
to embrace these plans you have

you need something bigger than yourself
stop leaning on yourself
you need something bigger than yourself
throw your understanding to the shelf

by John Miller

Until next time...

Change of Plans!

Our original plan was to pursue international adoption but we keep hitting road blocks. The more international programs we research the more problems we face. The three factors affecting us right now are: 1) age (alot of programs require parents to be 30), 2) marriage length (some require 5 years of marriage instead of 3), and 3) health requirements (we are sometimes disqualified becaues of John's diabetes or me being on anti-depressants for my fibromyalgia). So with alot of soul searching and alot of prayer, we have decided to puruse domestic adoption for baby #1. We hope we are lucky enough to be able to adopt a second child and by that point we should be able to fulfill more countries' guidelines for international adoption. A part of me is sad but I know it is all a part of God's plan and He has our child picked out especially for us. We are filling out our preliminary application this week! Yay!

Yardsale Fundraiser!

Miller Adoption Yardsale Fundraiser!

Calvary Baptist Church

320 Old Boiling Springs Rd

Shelby, NC 28152

Saturday July 5, 2008

7am-Noon

Items will be sold by donation!

Drinks & baked goods will also be for sale!

All proceeds will help us achieve our dream of parenthood

as we embark on our international adoption journey!

Favorites from our Adoption Photo Shoot

Here are a couple of our favorite shots from our pictures done at Daniel Stowe Botanical Gardens! We had to get some recent pictures done to include in our applications & dossier! Enjoy :)

We have chosen our agency!

After going over TONS of information and going back and forth, we finally made a decision to go with America World Adoption (www.awaa.org) and are so excited! We had a great talk with the intake coordinator yesterday!

The joys of preparing for a yard sale!

John & I hope to have a yard sale at the beginning of July to help raise funds for the adoption so while we've got a lot of free time on our hands (ha!) we've been going through our apartment looking for things for either the yardsale or to sell directly on Craigslist.com. Ok...John is going through them and I am watching :) Who knew we accomulate so much stuff in so little time? Anyways, if anyone would like to donate items to our yardsale we would greatly appreciate it!

Other than that, it is pretty quite on the adoption front. We are trying to be sure that we've got the funds to cover short term costs (application fee, I-600 fee, and homestudy fee) before submitting our application since all of the above have expiration dates and of course none of them at the same time. So we are eagerly waiting and praying to get the party officially started! We hope to call the agency tomorrow to talk about the early stages of the process and different programs so I hope we get some good news!

Jamee

How Can I Keep from Singing

How Can I Keep from Singing by Chris Tomlin

There is an endless song
Echoes in my soul
I hear the music ring

And though the storms may come

I am holding on

To the rock I cling

How can I keep from singing Your praise

How can I ever say enough

How amazing is Your love

How can I keep from shouting Your name

I know I am loved by the King

And it makes my heart want to sing

I will lift my eyes

In the darkest night

For I know my Savior lives

And I will walk with You

Knowing You'll see me through

And sing the songs You give

I can sing in the troubled times

Sing when I win

I can sing when I lose my step

And fall down again

I can sing 'cause You pick me up

Sing 'cause You're there

I can sing 'cause You hear me, Lord

When I call to You in prayer

I can sing with my last breath

Sing for I know

That I'll sing with the angels

And the saints around the throne

On my way home from work I experienced such an amazing "God moment." Instead of growing more anxious about surgery now less than 48 hours away, I was filled with the most amazing sense of peace and comfort. I felt so full of the Spirit that I thought I was going to have to pull the car over! Now more than ever I know without a shadow of a doubt that God has both my surgery and our adoption in His hands & I can continue to sing because I am loved by the King!

Jamee

Our journey so far!

Now that the adoption process is officially on the move, John & I wanted to create a blog where the two of us can share our journey with our friends and family! This blog will cover the rollercoaster ride of emotions that come with the process so be prepared for some moments of elation as well as moments of heartache! We hope that as we share this journey we are able to also spread awareness of adoption! I will take just a few moments to share about our journey up to this point.

Our journey to parenthood started over two and a half years ago. In May 2005 John & I married & shared an awesome wedding with our family and friends. From the start of our relationship, God had placed a desire to adopt and we knew that even if we could have our own children that we wanted to adopt at least once. Knowing that I had been diagnosed with endometriosis in 2003, we were aware that time may not be on our side as far as being able to concieve goes. So six months into our marriage, we began trying to conceive a child of our own. Over two years, two surgeries, and countless treatments later, we were informed that it was very unlikely that we would ever be able to have a child of our own without the help of in-vitro fertilization (IVF). It was a tough blow and we wrestled with how to proceed. IVF is expensive and there are no guarentees. After prayer and deliberation, God laid it on both of our hearts to proceed with adoption. We may our final decision on March 18th to move forward and start our adoption journey! Shortly after we made our decision, we were told that I would need a total hysterectomy in order to relieve the pain that had begun to impact all aspects of my daily life. I have begun to grieve the finality that this surgery will bring and while there have been tough days (and many tears), I know that this surgery will allow me to be the type of mother I want to be when our child comes home!

So now we are in the process of selecting an agency and a program. We have opened a money market account to begin saving and I have discovered the wonders of Craigslist.com to sell some things that we don't need to help raise funds. We know that it is a long road ahead of us but we are trusting God & we know that where He leads, He provides! As Jeremiah 29:11 reads, "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." And it is in this promise that we place our trust!

Jamee